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    Admiral David
  Thu Sep 17, 2009 6:57 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
HBGAMES,
This game product has been discontinued, any information leading to the whereabouts of the developer will be awarded. Please cooperate and delete all traces of this user's product and all data associated with it. We will not tolerate such ideas, Thank you

Regards,
Agent Scott

07-04-11

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    mawk
  Thu Sep 17, 2009 7:15 pm
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you know that spelling things with arbitrary zs and ks won't make you street, right?

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    death by moogles
  Mon Sep 21, 2009 2:34 am
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Location: Over there! *points*
I usually don't have a problem with reading and critiquing work, but this post is so cluttered and there is just way too much going on.
x.o

One thing that is very apparent is how haphazard your information is and the inconsistency in your art style(s) and design. The screenshots don't fit your "theme" very well, and I think this project has just a little touch of over-ambition.
=[

I can't tell you how much potential there is in this, but I'm not sure you're taking it in the right direction. The biggest issue I see with the content of your story is the protagonists, as is the biggest issue with most plots on this site, and in general. There's no way your group of heroes can stand to the challenges they'll face. I can honestly say that your attempt to have the player relate to the characters has failed in my eyes. I can't relate to David, and that's my freaking name. I don't like him. He's an unlikeable character, and I know practically nothing about him. That's not a good thing.

I mean, his skills are skateboarding and Spirit Bombs. That's not only unoriginal but a really big turn-off.

Aside from that, you said straight out that you're attempting to appeal to the player's sense of religion. The project is also deeply rooted in politics. Those are two very big turn-offs for a lot of people and it's not smart to mention that blatantly.

Please cut down on the unnecessary content and add more content that is significant.


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    Admiral David
  Mon Sep 21, 2009 12:59 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
E = MC NO

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    Stardust
  Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:14 am
<3 Army of Love <3
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You have way, way too much going on in this story. Like this:
Quote:
The war in Iraq has exploded into an uncontrollable
religious war that engulfs the entire middle east compelling world
leaders to bring a greater sense of unity, an internal revolution is
flaring in the midst of America, weather patterns are changing
significantly, war sparks among other nations, a biological attack
on the USA kills thousands while at the same time mutating and
transforming man and animal alike leaving wastelands of zombies,
hybrids, and chimeras, leaving much of the rest of the country under
martial law and forcing millions to fend for themselves against
these creatures, a meteor crashes into the pacific ocean plunging
mankind into even deeper chaos and questioning why their maker
hasn't saved them yet. A spiritual force known as kundalini is
adopted by the mainstream as the only hope mankind has to overcome
this hell, but sadly many choose to abuse this power, plunging the
world into deeper chaos. This confusion opens the gate for a
sinister dictatorship that relies on deception and fear to control
the world and bring about a new order.

Too much, in my opinion. You have
zombies
angry machines
spiritual forces
complete war
weather difficulties
hitler v2
diseases
revolution
meteors
and also a bunch of biblical stuff. It's overwhelming and you need to narrow it down. Each of those things can be an individual game and trying to combine them all makes the story sound...too random to be consistent. And it seems like you're just throwing in this superpower and magick stuff, which completely ruins whatever effect you were trying to create.

Basically, the starting concept was good, and then it veered off in other directions so that it's now a mess. The chances of you making it all consistent are very very low.

Also, Sword of the Spirits is incredibly cliche. You need to focus the story and give it a better title.

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    mawk
  Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:28 am
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Quote:
thats exactly what I'm aiming for, a completely underdog group that stands out in that way. because who necessarily wants a group of hardend warriors right from the start, i want them to be ordinary and modern, its the experiences and events they go through that make them different.

that's alright, but don't pretend it's revolutionary. every jrpg ever uses that same premise for its characters.

the thing that pisses me off about this thing is that it's pretending to be modern culture and all that. you've taken the TWEWY approach; you've slathered around some graffiti, made some kids with dreams, and popped in slang from roughly the same decade. I don't know why, but I find this kind of thing really sleazy; it's right up there with the scary idealized Stepford family of the 50s. it's, well, it's mawkish, and I guess you can use whatever aesthetic you want, man, but I'd like it more if it wasn't saturday morning caricatures of my generation rolling around killing satan.

also christ man work on your art. somebody (I CAN ALMOST REMEMBER HIS NAME IT'S AS IF HIS POST IS ONE OR TWO POSTS ABOVE MINE) already mentioned this but you look like you're just starting out with some anime style and it looks really incredibly poor so far. if I were you I'd work on anatomy and general stuff in a non-anime style for a while and get things like HOW THE BODY IS SHAPED and HOW THE PARTS OF THE FACE ARE ARRANGED down pat before specializing into anime. anime itself is terrible to start with; it teaches you to pay attention to the eyes (which are HUGE WATERY SQUARES,) the clothing, and the hair, and nothing else.

p.s.
Quote:
"RawR means I love you in dino!"

are you serious

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    Admiral David
  Fri Sep 25, 2009 7:32 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
NO

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    obsorber
  Tue Sep 29, 2009 9:21 pm
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"I gotta get outta da game", lol slick quote. Looks like you are using a sideview battlesystem too which is good. Although I'm puzzled with what the plot of your game is about as there is too much text to read and I stopped at Satan because I don't like hearing that name especially in games. Anyways it looks ok from what I can see with the screenshots but I didn't read or rather couldn't read or find out what the plot was about...

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    Lazer Kirby
  Tue Sep 29, 2009 9:56 pm
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Story + title is too cliche.

"Sword of the Spirit" is something that most people would ignore thinking it's some Final-Fantasy or something game and look for more original titles.

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    Admiral David
  Tue Sep 29, 2009 11:21 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
NO

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    GreenGreen
  Tue Sep 29, 2009 11:34 pm
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It could be me, but i find your title a bit hard to read


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    Axerax
  Wed Sep 30, 2009 2:48 pm
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I'm usually not a rough writer about games. Though I am going to say I can understand where Mawk is coming from with his comments. Generally when I think of a "modernized" game, I'd rather see art that you'd see in like a superman cartoon, not Anime. All modernized anime, lets take a look at one, Teen Titans, close to its own thing, but hugging to tightly to anime, that's the first thing I think of when I think of a modernized Anime show, even though some would consider it not anime.

Your creatures are a lot better than your characters, and isn't Moloch almost like a replica of the one that is in a Mortal Kombat game? Only difference is his ball-n-chain got turned into a club and he was turned into a minotaur.
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    Admiral David
  Wed Sep 30, 2009 4:57 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
PLEASE ERASE ALL ASSOCIATED DATA WEBMASTERS O.R

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    mawk
  Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:02 pm
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(abortion definitely involves flame and invoking the names of demons, you guys)

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    Lazer Kirby
  Wed Sep 30, 2009 7:46 pm
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I look at your title screen and the girl in the background hardly even fits.

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    Admiral David
  Sat Oct 03, 2009 10:38 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
NO

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    Admiral David
  Fri Oct 09, 2009 5:13 am
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
NO

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    Kuahewa huki 'ino
  Fri Oct 09, 2009 5:27 am
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dsoulja85 wrote:
but any comments on Michael?

He's a samurai alien thing that looks like Tetsuya Nomura and Akira Toriyama's styles had a manbaby together.

What more can be said, really?


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    Lazer Kirby
  Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:23 pm
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If the whole intro is a minute and 28 seconds long, I don't think I will really enjoy this game.

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    No ID
  Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:26 pm
Do I have to?
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Location: Where people are not
why does every intro start of with someone on a cliff?

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    Admiral David
  Fri Oct 09, 2009 8:59 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
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    Admiral David
  Fri Oct 09, 2009 10:38 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
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    Admiral David
  Sun Oct 11, 2009 3:28 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
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    Admiral David
  Thu Oct 15, 2009 5:39 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
WE WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH IDEALS

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    Admiral David
  Sun Oct 18, 2009 4:15 am
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
PLEASE COOPERATE

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    Admiral David
  Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:12 am
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
NO

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    ChanceEntertainment
  Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:12 am
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What the fuck is a hip hopper?


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    Admiral David
  Sun Nov 01, 2009 1:24 pm
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
ERASED

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    optioned
  Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:01 pm
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I'm kind of confused at the concept of this game. I mean, you say it's set in the modern age at a time when the walls of the world come crashing down for a reason known only to you as a designer and for some reason I just don't know where I'm supposed to stand on this.

In the good games you really have to choose a path and be committed to that path. This was something I had to come to terms with when story writing along time ago, choosing two paths which are at opposite sides of the game spectrum (For example the Set in Modern Age and yet magic exists) requires a very good story teller behind it. I'm not saying that these two couldn't work but I'll be very interested to see just how you tell this story.

On a Constructive Criticism note, I watched the intro and I was still scratching my head as to what on earth this guy was on about. I mean yes it's good to add mystery and not to tell the audience everything in the first chapter but it just read as if you'd chosen random words and made them fit together.
I love the art, and in a way the characters are good. Hopefully during the game you'll add more depth to them.

I look forward to seeing how you create this game, I feel you had the right ingredients but were looking at the wrong cook book.


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    Admiral David
  Fri Dec 25, 2009 7:45 am
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Location: Muldrow, ok / Phnx, AZ
DELETE OR KEEP

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