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    StrawberrySmiles
  Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:03 am
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STORY

Valeria, a world only in its 11th century, orbits a star known as Eta Carinae. Its moon, Dactyl, floats above the planet covered in a dark purple aura. When the moon is full and directly above a city, animals and beasts who look upon it’s gaze turn into demons and on rare occurrences demons known as the Netheral living on the moon ride meteorites towards cities where they can see lights and attack the town consuming its inhabitants. The Netheral make space for them to colonize and live on Valeria with no regard toward other life.

Corinne Rautio, living a mundane life in Astra, was also attacked by the creatures from the moon as well as her family and friends - Noko Sage, Seiko Quartz, and Merri Quartz. Luckily their town wasn’t destroyed and the town was able to defend itself with four heroes: Gassan Rautio, who wielded a big hammer smashing in the skulls of the Netheral;. Axen Quartz used his teachings as a martial arts instructor to defend the town; Dave Greggors helped by aiding the wounded victims with medicine; Slade Sage fought as a knight of the Northern Cross only to die in battle alongside his wife.

Noko, who lost his parents, never forgot them and set off to join the Northern Cross Knights in order to learn how to fend for himself. Merri was wounded really badly and infected to where it stunted her growth and stole her voice, and Seiko decided to become a doctor to find a cure for his sister. Corinne tried to forget everything that happened, grateful she didn’t loose anybody - yet was sad with her friends leaving her. She eventually grows up to be a mail carrier girl in Port Meria.

After a year of training under General Stratus of the Northern Cross Knights, Noko was sent on his first mission to defend the town, Otama, from an attack of the Netheral during a full moon. During the battle everyone in his squad was defeated, but Noko kept getting up after seemingly being killed continuously. Half the town was the destroyed, and the Netheral eventually gave up, leaving some of the townspeople alive. After the battle, Noko was celebrated in the town for protecting them. He then grew resentment for them, as they didn’t show much emotion for his lost comrades.

At a loss for words at all of his best men except Noko being defeated, General Stratus had no replacements that could meet the qualifications of Noko - so he promoted him to captain and gave him command of his own squad. Noko initially denied the need of one and asked to work alone, but his request was rejected. That’s when Ninae Greggors, a victim from Otama and daughter of Dave Greggors, joined the knights. Eventually she found her way into Noko’s squad and wanted to get close to him in appreciation for him saving her life.

On the day of Merri's 18th birthday, Corinne travels to Port Meria in order to celebrate it. At the last minute of their little party, Noko stops by - but he leaves as soon as he comes. Corinne follows him back to Astra and she visits her family until her father leaves for errand in Carvello. Late that cloudy night, Corinne sits on top of her windowsill peering out and sees Noko leaving the town towards the woods. She watches him intently until he disappears into the night. Then she hears her father call for her from the direction Noko went, so she goes downstairs to check it out – only to find that her mother is gone as well. Curious as to where her father is calling and where Noko went she goes to Ilana Forest investigate, only to find Noko laying in the middle of the woods. She is then knocked out from something behind her. The clouds move away from the sky to reveal a full moon...

RACES

VALEREN
A humanoid native to the planet, Valeria. They almost identical to earthlings in every way.

NEKIAN
A humanoid with droopy pointed ears and two furry tails that match their hair color.

HALF-NEKIAN
A humanoid that is a cross between a Nekian and a Valeren. They have the same ears as a Nekian, but only have one tail.

(Name pending)
A humanoid with long rabbit-like ears and a small tail that is shape like a fuzzy ball.

(Name pending)
Servents of the Goddess Omnia, who have feathered wings. The number of wings they have indicate how powerful they are.

NETHERAL
A demon-like creature that was born on the moon. They're appearance varies, but they often have horns and bat-like wings.

ASTRALITE
A humanoid that came from the sun/stars. They have glowing skin and has glowing wings.

CHARACTERS

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Sex: Female
Age: 21
Race Half-Nekian
Height: 5'2.5"
Weight: 136 lbs
Weapon: Mace
Occupation: Letter Carrier
Likes: Writing, reading, and cute stuff
Dislikes: Onions, cleaning, and mundane things
Profile: She is the protagonist of the video game. A mail girl living an ordinary life in Astra, yearning for adventure in her life despite the dangers that await her. Even though, she's childish and unpredictable at times, she can keep her team alert for any danger.
Full Body Picture:
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Name: Noko Sage
Sex: Male
Age: 23
Race Valeren
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 170 lbs
Weapon: Katana
Occupation: Knight Captain
Likes: Cooking, gardening, and oranges
Dislikes: Large crowds, loud people, and lazy people
Profile: The main male protagonist of the game. An orphan, who befriended Corinne, whose parents died during the Netheral assault. He desired to become a solider to fight evil and he departed the village - a few years later he becomes a cold-hearted captain wielding a powerful katana.

Image
Sex: Male
Age: 21
Race Half-Nekian
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 210 lbs
Weapon: Knuckles
Occupation: Doctor
Likes: Women, training, and surfing
Dislikes: Fishing, men, and high places
Profile: Seiko is a herbalist, life-long friend of Corinne and rival of Noko, he searches for a remedy to
cure Merri, his younger sister, thus becoming the medic for a crew of sailors and, finally settles down in Port
Meria hoping to become a doctor. However his attitude to act first, think later, causes trouble for him and his
friends, but he is still loyal to them.

Image
Sex: Female
Age: 18
Race Half-Nekian
Height: 5'0"
Weight: 94 lbs
Weapon: Bow
Occupation: Dishwasher
Likes: Collecting cards, drawing, and playing music
Dislikes: Being alone, random people who touch her tail, and silence
Profile: A traumatic young girl who lost her voice during the Netheral raid.Despite her tiny stature, she is far from being vulnerable, thanks to her father's martial arts training. She has become withdrawn from society due to her muteness and does not like her brother to be with other women, as he gives them attention she desires.
Full Body Picture:
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SCREENSHOTS

(pending)

FEATURES

Battles
Battles in Celestial Sphere take place once the player comes in contact with the enemy, eliminating random battles. Battle are fought in a separate, free-roaming field where combat takes place in real time. Only four characters can fight in a battle at a time, although other characters may be put in reserve. While the player may only hot-key one tech and one item at a time, they can open up a battle menu to change them at any time during battle. Once all enemies are defeated, the battle is won and each participating member gets a certain amount of experience points. Items and Monies may also be found, although only certain foes will carry Monies.

Time
Exploration takes place in real time as well, where day will transition into night after a certain hour has been reached. During the day NPCs have daily lives and where do things at certain times of the day. At night shops are closed, stronger enemies appear, and most NPC's go to sleep. NPC's will say different things depending on the time of day and weather, also giving away side-quests to the player.

Relationships
The player will get to decide who Corinne will end up with at the end of the game- whether it be romantic or just plain friendship - by making various choices and doing certain things. This will greatly affect the ending of the game.

Multiple Endings
The ending of the game will change depending on the choices you make throughout the game - there will be a huge defining choice during the game that affects everything afterwords.

CREDITS

StarGGundam2 – Battle Sprites, Tilesets, Sprites, events, art
Me – Some Battle Sprites, NPC Sprites, Some tilesets, Menu design, icons

Guillaume777 – Multi Equip Slots
Mog – Menus, Status Lena, Item Limiter
XAS – Battle system
Cowlol – Pathfinding
Ccoa – Menu system, advanced weather system
Axerax - Logo design

If we forgot someone, please tell us! :3

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Last edited by StrawberrySmiles on Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:38 pm, edited 14 times in total.

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    bladeking77
  Tue Jun 08, 2010 7:40 pm
{=.0_0.=}
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Awesome Bro


Location: Mostly near Computer.
Here we go:
Graphic: Your graphic is not bad. Custom character art looks nice, and your mapping is pretty good. Just one thing, the Menu seems a bit too colorful, it gives your game less seriousness. Unless that's what your goal was, I'd suggest lowering contrast, or saturation, or brightness, or whatever to make it look more serious.
Other than that, looks cool.
Story: Even after reading it twice I didn't understand it completely. I know I'd understand it, if I played the game, but still, try to Simplify it.
Is it cliched!? A little, but it's really hard avoiding that lately, isn't it?
How to be original!? Well, I didn't know the answer on that, but I got one as I read trough your story. It's in the details.
There's always something in danger, and always someone who saves it, but, who, how, when, where?
There are thousands of ways to do something, thousands of little events, thousands of character personalities, thousands of details you can add. You just need to choose those, that nobody else came up with. And try making the game as you'd like it, not as others would. :)

EDIT: I just noticed you're using Angelic War fonts. :) One thing, I think it would look better if u changed the Cele-sti-al letters like this:
celeSTIaL Sphere - so you would lose those many lines in the background.(hope you understand what I'm talking about.)

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    zchin
  Tue Jun 08, 2010 11:58 pm
T.Y.A.H.A.N.D. = Thank you and have a nice day
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You've finally put this up :cheers:
The new art looks nice, but there is one thing that's been troubling me... In the Corinne profile, the picture looks well, her breasts are un-believably round, like you drew them using a compass... Or used the circle tool in paint or something...

Otherwise, I like the story, you've made the cliche dark hole that sucks everything up, into an original, brilliant game and story. But I hope in the game, there is an explanation for why Noko keeps dieing and coming back to life.
Good luck, I hope this project doesn't fail.

Thank you and have a nice day!


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    Jason
  Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:01 am
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Awesome Bro

Generic Townsperson
As much as I hate to say this... I agree with zchin131 (burns into a pile of ashes) her breasts are waaaay too round, and big and *drools*, they're oddly placed on her chest...

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    StrawberrySmiles
  Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:26 am
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Generic Townsperson

Location: Nowhere
@bladeking77
Thank you for the critique. XD Star is going to re-do the story so it's not as complex. :3 I'm glad you like the arts and stuff, though. Apparently, our goal was to have the menu be light-hearted. We did not create the logo for the game, so thus... we can't change it. Unless, we get a new one of course. ^_^

@zchin131
I'm glad you like the art (well most of it) and the story. :3 It will all be explained why Noko keeps rising, don't worry.

@zchin131 and Jbrist
Yeah, Star did use the round tool (I saw him, too). His explanation is that she's wearing a corset. XD Maybe later we'll change it, when he can. Star's be awfully busy nowadays. :/

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    Star
  Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:30 am
It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum.
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Location: I go where I please, I please where I go
zchin131 wrote:
You've finally put this up :cheers:
The new art looks nice, but there is one thing that's been troubling me... In the Corinne profile, the picture looks well, her breasts are un-believably round, like you drew them using a compass... Or used the circle tool in paint or something...

Otherwise, I like the story, you've made the cliche dark hole that sucks everything up, into an original, brilliant game and story. But I hope in the game, there is an explanation for why Noko keeps dieing and coming back to life.
Good luck, I hope this project doesn't fail.

Thank you and have a nice day!

Yup, there's a perfect explanation for why jesus brist i mean Noko keeps dying and coming back to life. He died and then rose again in three days. Maybe he's the savior of the planet XD. Well, the real reason is explained, after all his race is really supposed to be Demi-God, but his powers aren't permanent so the game won't be cheap as hell. All will be explained in due time.

I agree with both of you on the breast thing. The excuse was that she was wearing a corset, but does a person who wears a corset with that much breast really not sag at least a little? I ponder that theory, but really it can be changed with great ease so it's not a big problem for me to fix. YES I DID USE THE CIRCLE TOOL, how did you guess XD >.> <.<

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    Firgof Umbra
  Wed Jun 09, 2010 5:29 am
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So you wanted some feedback, did you? :devil:

Well, let's see. The overall look for the game is kind of blocky: It's a bit too obvious that you're working on a grid; try making some things overlap into other spaces instead of neatly and tidily ending in one spot. I like the variety in foliage you've got in your forests but where are the rest of the elements which make a forest come alive? Where's the bush/planet variety? Flowers? Fruits and Nuts? Also, it's worth mentioning that should there be herbivores nearby you'd also see a lot of 'chewing' on the lower part of the trees. I'm not sure how realistic you want to be here, but all this would add some flavor (which is something you unfortunately lack at this moment).

You also need more twigs, branches, and rough debris hanging around unless the player is near a well-kept and well-traveled park of some sort which is constantly monitored by custodial staff. Also, your river is practically sparkling. It's almost eerily well kept. There's a lilly in there alright (I like the ripples), but there's no loose leaves, the water itself is practically crystal blue, and the dirt underneath is very sand-like with no rocks and so forth. I also notice an absence of fish or bugs in the water despite its hospitality; perhaps it's a chlorine/magical river? :P Lastly, there's no reflection of the sky/sun in the river, which seems to suggest its murky, but it's practically crystal-clear!

I don't see a lot of height variation in your maps; that's something I think that goes 'by the wayside' in map development. A little sensible height variation goes a long way in my opinion. See if you can do anything there, especially when you're near rivers and the like where the height of things is prone to change drastically.

Speaking of variation, let's talk about the non-forested ground. There's grass, but only one kind of grass, and the only kind of grass is so disturbingly healthy that it seems the whole world's an idyllic paradise. There's no weeds or so forth, and there don't seem to be foot-trails so much as there are 'dug out sections of road'. Notice that the grass near where enough people have heavily traveled as to wear away all the grass doesn't have bent grass near it; that's a distinct feature you'll probably notice if you went out and looked at it; especially when things start to taper off like in the screenshot showing off the menu.

Now, about those houses of yours. If you'll look to the roof, you'll notice that the roof is made from single slats of wood. Which is fine if they've got a ton of wood but what often happens is that they'll cut it, it won't fit just right, and they'll cut another piece and so on and so forth due to the fact that no tree is exactly the same as another tree. I like your window framing, but the eggshell white, almost pearlescent, glow it gives off gives the impression that they're not windows at all but merely decorative windows (perhaps they're status symbols in your world?).

Now let's talk about your roads and fences. They're both really straight. Straight enough that it looks like whoever built the place had an almost unearthly sense of placement and construction. All the planks are exactly the same size, are placed exactly the same distance apart, and are driven down into the ground so precisely that they all stand perfectly straight up. Not only this, but they all perfectly ride on a line with no variation at all. The town seems almost a mirage as it's so perfectly put together that it seems unnatural.

Speaking of unnatural, the roads look like wagon roads. If they are, there probably need to be some 'worn grooves' just slightly visible on the surface; just a little darker than the rest. It doesn't have to be obvious but just a light touch-up there will help a lot. On that note, not only are the roads worn precisely, they don't bend or curve at all which seems strange, given that it's a dusty road which is sure to bounce around a bit. Specifically I'm talking about the grass (again) which seems to always wear away exactly the same way in every place which makes it seem like that place gets exactly the same amount of traffic all the time just in such a way that grass never gets a chance to grow back anywhere nor get trampled underhoof/foot/wheel.

Finally, your bridge: Though it's sensible that the thing collapsed, it looks very well kept for being collapsed; so much so that it looks more like it just hasn't been finished yet than it being broken. The ropes and wood must also be very heavy as they haven't been pushed by the water. I realize it's difficult to make custom sprites fit on a grid for special things like that but what I find is that if you set yourself up a 32x32 grid in Photoshop, set the layer's alpha to something like 20%, go back to your map, press printscreen, and paste it into Photoshop and edit it there, exporting what you'd like it to look like straight to your tileset, you can achieve superior results through those 'little touches' that break the blockiness of using a tileset.

As for your characters, they look fine (though I did chuckle at the extreme boobage of Corinna Rautio); you did a good job translating the torso shot into sprite art or vice versa. :)

As far as the story is concerned: I think you're getting too much ahead of yourself. You have all these background elements playing out, yes, but it's a lot for the player to digest. I would recommend making most of that background a part of the game, actually, so that you can reveal the world and the 'players involved in the chess game' so to speak over time instead of 'here's faction A, here's faction B'. A soft introduction to such a large pattern would probably work best here I think but feel free to go at your own discretion. If you decide to keep the story start point where it is, I would recommend a lengthy prologue which slowly introduces some but not all of the elements that you've listed there. The more events you can attach to the history of your world, the more attached the player will become to those events and, thus, the more drawn in they're likely to be.

Involve your player in your world's history, I'd say, by slowly immersing them in it and have their actions 'hearken back'.

It does seem like it's "trying too hard" and you've got a lot of elements moving around. You've got sci-fi, magic, fantasy, worldwide memory loss, demons, angelesque creatures, time travel and so on. It seems in your quest for storyline independence you've decided to wolf down as many elements as you could but haven't quite digested all of them. I'd recommend narrowing it down a bit so that actually sitting down and writing it and tying it all together becomes less a chore but your mileage may vary.

Onto potential gameplay-element development-hells that I should point out before you go 'oh dear!':

Day/Night system: If you do day/night, don't ever do shadows anywhere before the Day/Night system or you'll regret it because things won't look 'just right'. Also, if you do true day/night, make sure to make at least four sets of shadows for the four major times of day. If you can't be bothered to do more shadows than that, then smoothly tween between all four of them, fading one set out as you fade another in, and make sure the change is gradual.

Since you're putting an emphasis on the environment surrounding the player, I'd also add elements like waving grass and wind if you have the time, and random flying creatures, bugs, and so forth. Definitely make sure that your BGS is varied and lively and changes often based on location. It also wouldn't be a bad idea to set up a couple randomized list of Sound Effects which act as 'interrupter BGSes' so that you can add randomized bird chirps during the day, crickets/cicadas at night, and so forth. This will add a lot of atmosphere to the game.

Finally, if you have light sources in the game make extra sure that when they cast light it's proportional to the time of day. A little lamp wouldn't ever have much of a visible glow during the daytime but also would project it's own shadows at night, dusk, and dawn.

That's about all I have to say at this time from the information and screenshots you've provided. I hope you may find some use from all of it and I wish you luck. :)

This post brought to you by the Project Critique Station and Firgof Umbra. :D

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    StrawberrySmiles
  Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:07 pm
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Generic Townsperson

Location: Nowhere
Thank for taking your time and giving us a solid, fair critique! :3

When we update our graphics, we will be sure to follow everything you said by varying things up a bit. Star (who's my mapper and pixel artist), read everything and he realized that there were quite a bit of things he should have done. :/

We plan on toning down the story a bit, by taking out several things - mainly the time aspect. I guess we didn't realize how crazy it was until people told us. :D

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