Feedback tiems! :D
NB: Spaces come after periods. See? When a sentence ends, throw in a space. Like this. <-space
It makes reading a zillion times easier. Also, stop using accents as apostrophes. ´` = accent, ' = apostrophe.
It's passé the mix up punctuation. ;)
Another thing: do not respond to my questions. Edit the story and character bios and screens instead of explaining! A random dude isn't going to bother reading the whole thread before deciding whether your game is worth downloading. Story
A long time ago, there was a tribe known as Ferisha. Their greatest goal was to find a powerful Sword of Star. One day they found one. So they took the Sword of Star back to Ferisha...
Who are "they"? Is Ferisha a tribe or a place? What kind of a tribe is it? Why do they want that sword? What makes it so desirable, anyway? How did they find the sword, anyway?
They´ve found what they were looking for.But later the war against Xados begun, it was the rival tribe of Ferisha.
What kind of a tribe is Xados?
They wanted to fight only to take Ferisha´s Sword of Star.
The chaosin times begun and Fersiha must do everything to stop Xados Tribe from getting their Sword of Star. Aeons became mediators of this chaosin times and Xados Tribe had something they held secret to the rest of the world.Ferisha Tribe must return The Sword of Star to cosmos because it was to dangerous to keep..
Why mustn't Xados get the sword? What the feck are Aeons? Why is the sword too dangerous to keep? Chaosin times? How does one "return a sword to cosmos"?
There was a foren empire known as Neox Empire who had major control over some planets.
Neox? That name makes me think of a laundry detergent, but maybe it's just me... Anyway, what? First there are tribes and then suddenly there's this megaempire that has control over whole planets? How do they manage that? Forget Star Wars for a moment. How does one get control of several planets? Planets with differing flora and fauna I can technically see if there are lots and lots of Neoxians, but do they have control over planets with civilized species? If they do, HOW?
They lived in another dimension, seemingly invisible to the eye. Their goal was also to find Ferisha's Sword of Star, who could fullfill any wish they ever desired. But Neox Empire doesn't only seek Ferisha's Sword of Star, they seek to find all Sword of Stars out there in cosmos.
Ehehehee. If they're invisible and in another dimension... Do they have their controlled planets in the another dimension as well? How does a wish-fulfilling sword even work? Does it give you material possessions if you with for them? Skills? Plastic surgery? Where did these swords come from, anyway? Why make several? Who would make such swords? Why don't the Ferisha use the sword to wish Xados into a bunch of squishy bedbugs or a potato salad or something else incapable of stealing a sword? Why do the Neox want the rest of the swords as well? In fact, shouldn't they only focus on that one particular sword so that they could then just handily wish for the rest of the swords?
At the same time two warriors, Ferrair and Sivill has heard a strange rumour that Star Angel (See Ameth I) has returned. It is the sister of Nova Angel who they fought 3 years ago*.
*(Ferrair became unwillingly a Warrior of Light and was forced to draw the powers of the Elemental Crystals and to use it to fight the dark dictator Zarx and Nova Angel).
Haven't played Ameth I. Who are these characters and why should I care about them?
Now they're going to the Crazaan Capital, the world's center to ask the controlling parties if this is true.
Where's this place? In fact, how do the places relate to each other? So far you have the tribes/areas Ferisha and Xados, the Neox dimension, the Neox planets and the Crazaan Capital, which is supposed to be the centre of all this... And who are the "controlling parties"? If you want to say Ferisha, Xados and Neox sans explanation I'll whip you with a wet noodle.
They get to know that this is true and so they must get out and find Star Angel to kill her forever.
Nice getting to know you - I just learned something new! :D What's a Star Angel? Why should she be killed?
When they're out there, they meet Ferisha Tribe who tries to fight against the powerful Neox Empire, at the same time as they will destroy the Sword of Star. And so joins Ferrair and Sivill the Ferisha Tribe in the struggle against the great universal kingdom of Neox Empire...
I thought the Ferisha were battling the Xados and the Neox were in their own dimension. And, um. A kingdom of an empire? You do know what those are, right? Put simply, a kingdom is a monarchical state ruled by a king, whereas an empire is usually ruled by an emperor/empress(/czar etc.). Why are the Ferisha battling the Neox instead of using the sword, anyway?
Summa summarum, I think this story needs a lot of work in order to work.
A girl who lives among the Ferisha Tribe and who somehow was stunned and changed. When she and her childhood friend Magnah discovered The Sword of Star and how dangerous it was, they swore to seek the Northen Oracle to learn what has happened to them.
CLASS : Mage AGE : 17 STARTING LV : 1 (Playable character!)
WTH who is this? You didn't even mention her in the story! How do the teens find out about the sword? What's a Northen Oracle?
What's Ryghar like? You gave her no personality whatsoever - "stunned and changed" doesn't cut it.
Another member of Ferisha Tribe. He and Ryghar always played hide-and-seek in their childhood. But as The Sword of Star was discovered and strange necromancers began to attack, he was changed to the more scared person. He has always been the one who hates Xados Tribe the most, since his mother were killed by a member of Xados. CLASS : Sholar AGE : 18 STARTING LV : 3
Again, no personality. So he's a coward? Filled with hate? Anything more?
This young boy came to Ferisha when he was only 9 years old. He ran away from the dark horses who attacked him. He has never told anyone of Ferisha Tribe where he came from, but he was taken into the tribe because of his high knowledge in fighting, even if he was very young. That was three years ago, now he is 12 years old and best friend with Ryghar and Magnah.
CLASS : Warrior AGE : 12 STARTING LV : 2
What... Dark horses? Where did the kid come from? Where'd he learn his fighting skills?
A phoenix of foren mountains somewhere. His city was burned up by the Neox Emperor. When Ferisha founds him and asks him to guide them to Crystal City, he joins them on their dangerous task to destroy The Sword of Star.
RACE & CLASS: Phoenix AGE : 460 STARTING LV: 8
What's he like? Why does he join the group? Why did the emperor burn up his city? Do phoenixes have cities?
A young boy who lives in Amaril City who lost his mother in a ancient war...One day he found the Ice Crystal by a misstake and become a Warrior of Light. He fought Zarx and Nova Angel three years ago (Ameth I) and has returned because of a rumour that Star Angel has returned..
CLASS : Warrior AGE : 15 STARTING LV : 25 (Playable character!)
Where's Amaril City? What ancient war? The one between Ferisha and Xados? What's he like? Was he seriously only twelve years old when he founght the Star Angel? O.O
Ferrair`s dear friend who lives close to him in Amaril City. When she knew the chaos of the world, she accompanied Ferrair to find the God Crystals.She and Ferrair went straight to The World Government when they heard the rumour of Star Angel’s rebirth. They want to figure out if it really was true..
CLASS : Mage AGE : 16 STARTING LV : 28
What about her personality?
And what the... World Government? How does that work? Where is it? Does it govern the whole world? What world? What about the Neox dimension? Why are Ferisha and Xados fighting if they're under the same government?MappingRead
it. You should learn how to use the tilesets
before even starting a bigger project. Make sure to check the Screenshot and Mapping Improvement threads as well.
And get rid of the godawful "futuristic" tileset, the one with pink and orange palm trees. If you say tl:dr, I'll whip you with a wet noodle. I spent time typing this, so you can spend time reading it, you know. ;)