Today, I caught my father peeping through a keyhole into my brother's (21 y/o) room (He is paranoid and thinks my bro is playing games). I said (almost shouted) "what are you doing?". He told me to shut the fuck up and walked away, I told my brother. My father started raging again, and told me it's none of my business even though he's disturbing my adult brother's privacy. I told him it is my business and it's like talking bad about a person, you shouldn't be surprised if someone tells them. He pulled the 'you are young and have no idea and should share my values completely because you can't think with your own brain'-card, which makes him a disgusting person, and told me not to do that again. Was I right or wrong?

You were right, people like that are complete dicks, I mean, your brother is 21, he's an adult, he's old enough to make his own choices, but seriously what the fuck, your dad is paranoid because he thinks he was playing on games? I mean, if he thought he was mashing one out to some hardcore porn I'd understand, but still, what the fuck, if my parents were like that I'd be up and off, considering I spend up to and over £200 a month on games (Which is like $300 or €240)

It's because my brother has finals soon and when he comes home from learning all day he is chillin in front of his PC

... And your dad has a problem with that?

I'm 22 now and i'm living 3/4days a week with my parents 3/4 days a week on my own. Hell, if i ever caught my parents doing some stupid stuff like that, we would better get a serious talk about privacy or else i'd just stay away from that home for a long while. I think we can all agree that you didn't do anything wrong. Your father shouldn't treat your brother as a teenager anymore, even moer because it sounds like your brother IS taking his studies serious.

yes because you're gay

nah but in all honesty man, he shouldnt be raging like that. I dont think you did anything wrong but it is your dads house with his rules, so it doesnt matter if you are right or wrong, he makes the rules at the end of the day

in the dad's defense,

when you're a minor, then it's the parents' job to take care of your ass. when you're an adult, it's your job to have a job. If you're out on your own in the world, you better do your work and make that money and pay that rent. If you're going to school full time and living in your parents' house, then guess what? Your job is to go to school, get good grades, and earn your rights to live in someone else's house.

If I had an adult son/daughter living in MY house, hell fucking yes I would be a hardass on them unless they were pulling really good grades.

You do a shit job at work, you get fired. You get fired, you can't pay rent. You can't pay rent, you're out on your ass. Same principal applies here.

American parenting seems pretty awful, not as bad as the asians, but still... seriously, my mam and dad are just like "puppies darling! do whatever you like you're an adult now", so yeah... I still live here, and as long as I pay my board, all is fine and dandy and I can do pretty much anything, it's actually been like that since I started college when I was 16, and even before then, they just let me do my own thing, instead of revising, I'd be in my room mashing one out to porn playing a fuck ton of games or be out on the streets sucking dick for booze having a "good" time, lol...

... Puppies darling! that's exactly what they'd say! because we're British! but yeah seriously, it's probably just my family that's laid back, but I hate those strict as fuck parents and I'd never be like that myself, you can be laid back AND supportive, lol

actually american parenting is far from strict, unless your last name is chang, chong or something from the credits of an anime

Actually I thought it'd be fun to interject here:

American parenting is considerably weird as hell to traditional asians. You know about how asians have extended family and whatnot, aye? Well, it's generally accepted as fine if the child stays with the parents in adulthood, even considered good. My parents, in response to the plot of that movie Failure to Launch was total disgust, finding american/western traditions as strange, weird, etc. "You're kicking your own child out of your house" or whatnot.

not defending, cause in general asian americans are anally racist, ignorant, and strict, but hey

i lol'd pretty hard at this, ty


yeah and i've heard that before from people. but you see enough lazy layabouts who do nothing to get out there in the world and COMPETE (which means they have a p good chance at ultimately failing at being a productive member of society), and it makes you realize that you can't just let a kid get away with that.

im not saying you abandon your adult kids. i got kicked out at 16 and life was really hard for me, and if i were any dumber or less lucky, i would have been pretty fucked. i'm just saying that you shouldn't take any of your kid's shit. if you feel confident that you did a good job at parenting, then they shouldn't have a problem flapping those wings and carrying off, barring medical issues or other special circumstances.

the frame of mind of "you should never try to force a member of your own kin to move out" is antiquated.

in "olden days", people would marry off their children at a certain age. this often meant (with varying degrees in global culture) that daughters would leave to join their new husband's family, and then the newly-wedded sons would claim some small part of their family's estate, property, land, or other assets. the sons would, in turn, help out on the family's farm/ranch/estate/business/etc., or earn money to keep the family going. The parents would not have to kick anyone out, because they would just marry their kids into no longer suckling off their dime, and adapt them into earners.

today, atleast in this country, you can't do that.
- parents can't ARRANGE marriages, they have to hope that their kids will figure it out on their own.
- most people don't OWN businesses, they WORK for businesses. Which means parents can't just bequeath a job to their kid. (plus it's the social norm to shun parents who try to plan out their kids' careers anyway, a STARK contrast from olden times)
- most people don't own large tracts of land or houses big enough to divvy up & accommodate so many people. parents can't just keep everyone around.

if i'm ever laden with a kid, i'll want to be laid back with them, sure. but not when it comes to letting them know that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and if they don't make a real attempt to succeed, they won't. and step one will be getting out of my damn house, lol :P.

In the country I live in which nobody really cares about, it's fairly normal to live with your parents until you're done with whatever education you're following and have secured a place to live in. Students often leave their parents' home when they're about 20 years old, but aren't kicked out at all.
Of course, some parents are nasty and shit, but mostly, they don't really give a damn whether their child is living with them or not. Hell, they even like it; a little company is nice from time to time.
I have never heard of a case where the child was kicked out at an age of 18-, so I guess the adults are pretty nice here.

They do, however, really rage when you're screwing up at school, but I guess that's a fair deal if apparently some get kicked out at 16. I guess that's just out of concern for their kids' future.

Peeping through keyholes is... No, that's just plain wrong. Every person should have privacy sometimes.

America's welfare babies will have a great life, I'm sure.

all im gonna say is that its your dads house and he can do what ever the fuck he wants.

To be fair here, the son was living with the father, and the father was probably paying for the son's schooling, at least in part. I can see why he would care if his son is working, even on his off time. That being said, Dad was a dick for spying on the guy in his own bedroom. It's not like he couldn't have just carried on a conversation with him at some point regarding his schooling. It all comes down to what Mega said, though; your bro is living in Dad's house, he follows Dad's rules.

of course he can and will but that doesnt make it right. and what choice would we have? i am still a minor and for someone to study medicine and work enough to pay for your own place would be beyond exhausting to do in switzerland. just because its your house doesnt mean you should be allowed to be a POS and just because you provide food for me, doesnt mean you dictate my whole life:i am thankful but its still your obligation and nobody forced you to have kids. srsly this argument is pretty fucked.

well at least i wont be such a obsessed idiot to my kids: it'll save me tons of stomach uclers, gray hairs and heart problems because they are going to do whatever the fuck they want anyway, at a certain age

This applies to a statement I've been hearing Venetia say more and more often: "1st World Problems, lol"

I found this in about 3 seconds.
http://www.whatsontianjin.com/news-3180 ... ework.html

Your father should have removed the door from it's hinges so he doesn't need to be sneaky. Having to sneak around in your own home is undignified. My Dad punched a whole in my door for locking it in his house. He was absolutely right because I was getting C's and spending all my free time playing EQ/UO and masturbating instead of doing homework and going out to socialize. Thankfully he forced me to do after school sports in High School so I was forced to socialize.

... Yeeeeaaaaaah. No. That's just wrong, punching a whole in your door is such a meat head thing to do, and the Chinese guy buring his son needs shooting, or burying himself...

I spent my entire high school and college life playing games, watching porn, sleeping in until like 3-4pm and goofing around with my mates... you know where that led me? Into a coma! ... albeit an epileptic coma which wasn't related whatsoever, but still! No seriously, I was lazy as FUCK but still managed to get A's and pass my college course with merits and distinctions, and I left EVERYTHING (Never handed anything in early or finished early) until the night before the deadline... so did my mates, and MOST of us were hitting all the high grades and everything, even our teachers and tutors were like "What the fuck how do you even manage that?!"

... Morale of the story: Don't think that goofing off and playing games will get you lower grades, since me and my mates (Like I said, most) passed with flying colours, and I'm pretty sure we were more sociable than you were, lol. (Not an attack on you or anything, so please don't take it that way)

the diff there jB was that you were making straight A's and Kaludan wasn't. the link to the story about the kid getting buried was a joke and he was saying that he is in favor of parents being strict with their kids when the kids are fuck-ups :P

Yeah but what I'm trying to get at, is that you can't say that people struggle in school BECAUSE they goof off and don't study at home... I mean, sure people will always think there's a relation, but I don't believe there is, maybe it's just me though, but the way I look at it, being strict with your kids, especially to the point of punching a hole in a door for example, isn't good for the kid at all, I mean, it's going to put them under pressure to try their best, and a lot of people can't cope under pressure... I can personally, since I'm pretty chilled out most of the time anyway, but there's some that can't, and even though it MAY be beneficial by teaching them to work under pressure (It'll be needed in their working life depending on their desired job/career), it could lead to all sorts of other things, for example, a little extreme, but when I was in Year 8 (I was 13, work that out into US grades), some kid in the year below me (Year 7 duh, aged 11-12) ended up hanging himself a few months after starting high school and left a note behind saying he couldn't cope with the pressure of all the school work... sort of sad to see things like that happening to be honest.

In the case of American middle/upper class children/young adults who do not have a physical or mental learning disorder, I feel pretty confident in saying this is 100% accurate. School is not hard. In America it's actually dumbed down so much that even the middle of the road kids can breeze through it. This creates a habit of goofing off and not studying at home so when college hits, which is also dumbed down in the US, learning to study at home is less the issue than the difficulty of breaking the habit of procrastinating and goofing off.

Having all this electronics and fun in your own bedroom is a new feature unique to this generation. (No the Atari 2600 is not the time suck equivalent of WoW). Books were the epitome of what you could do, alone, and in your room for extended periods of fun. It's created a huge generation of fun addicted shut-ins who reach out to a virtual world for self-esteem and validation. It actually reminds me of the Futurama episode talking about the Horrors of Robot Sex. http://www.myspace.com/video/futurama/anti-robot-propaganda/107984866 only link I could find =(. Replace Robot Girlfriend with the words Porn and Video games. Most parents don't know what the hell they should do as there is really no documented well known solutions. The parenting advice they learned from their parents certainly can't cover it.

I would much rather have a hole punched in my door than have them do nothing, as was the case with my brother who spent his entire life doing what my parents told him, and is only now getting a job as a teacher at 27. He still lives at home and is only now beginning to really work on having a social presence in the world.

I would much rather have a hole punched in my door than have what Venetia went through getting kicked out at age 16.

Instead my parents made me want to move the hell out, so when I could, I did. They also did it by never physically harming me or neglecting me anything. They were also pouring a considerably % of their income into my schooling at a time when they didn't have a lot of money.

If there is something that is being left unsaid, and the father is whoring the son out on the street to pay for his college against his will and raping him against his will(as opposed to being loved gently) please accept my complete apologies and I completely agree that this father is an asshole.....but then again.... the kid does still get a leg up on 95% of the world population by being a male with a college education which leads back to the original comment: "First World Problems, lol".

In regards to the 11 year old kid committing suicide, I truthfully have no answer. There is something about the culture that instills such horror in us that we would rather die than work a minimum wage job. I think it has something to do with the video games and movies where the good guy always wins. I didn't train for thousands of hours to save the world, to hand scrub cheese off a french onion soup bowl at my local restaurant. It could also be the fuel that makes 1st world countries 1st world countries. It is what makes every man strive to invent and/or change the world and never settle for the status quo of working your existing job, that pressure, the need to always be making some kind of progress.

My primary consolation to the OP is that your entire view and opinion of damn near everything will change once you start working, socializing with others who have it a thousand times worse than you, and dealing with adult problems. You'll realize that the primary enemy you are going to have in this world is going to be fighting boredom forever. At least your father cares enough to be a part of your life.

I have to agree with Venetia and Kaludan. At first like most of the posts here, yes I agree the father was wrong, but that's a surface issue. Venetia and Kaludan brought up all the underlying concerns that I couldn't agree more and I don't know how to add more.

I won't say exactly which stand I take about this because I just woke up and can't justify my point of view clearly yet, but a quick story from me is my pre-college exam in my final year of high school. My mother decided to sort out the fact that I have a distance relationship and proceeded to start a huge family drama - in the middle of my exam period, when I was trying to study. It spanned for the entire exam month, not just a day. I got less than optimal result than I wanted in the end, and here I am now, moved the hell out of my parents so that I can have peace to myself at last.

But if all that didn't transpired, I wouldn't be nearly as independent as I am right now.

Parents can't just coach around their sons and daughters forever.
They need to leave them alone so they can do things on their own.

So yeah - I think you're right. Despite you just asked your father what he was doing,
Your father shat your feelings. That's such a horrible attitude as a parent.